The Moon

An astronomical body that levitates thousands of light-years away from Earth has shifted to be the center of attention in most cultures and traditions. Generally, the moon is recognized to be a symbol of femininity. Hence, in many anecdotes, the moon is referred to as a “she.” In France, the moon is called “La Lune” where the “La” means Her.

From a very young age, we were unintentionally taught to appreciate the moon. Growing up we were exposed to a lot of performances, melodies, and animations revolved around the moon. Parents with small children love to take their kids out at night, point at the sky, and tell the tale about the little rabbit on the moon. As a kid, I was very intrigued and plagued by many questions. Such as how did the rabbit get there? How huge must he be if we can see him from Earth? Is he alone? and if so, does he feel lonely? Why doesn’t he have any friends? and I was further confused when I overheard the song about a “Handa mama.” How do both live there if the rabbit is as big as half the moon? The mysteries only kept on multiplying each passing day. Another uncanny way I recall the moon is how my parents kept me and my brother occupied during late-night car rides by directing us to gaze at the moon and to see how the moon is following us. My brother and I would drop our heads out the window and get amazed every time we see the moon through the trees and wonder why it’s stalking us.

Religiously too we are tied to the moon as we usually celebrate Poya days around the full moon. The moonstone is another piece that is culturally appreciated, which was inspired by the moon. The Karava flag too denotes a Sun and Moon to symbolize their dynasties and origin in Sri Lanka. There is a considerable amount of debate encompassing the impact of the moon on humans and nature. There are various hypotheses to everything around us. We may never uncover the truth, but what we can do is to consolidate and speculate until the end of time and bask in the bliss of at least trying to learn the truth rather than do zilch about it. For some, comprehending and appreciating something as trivial as what I am discerning may seem absurd, and would most probably think, “Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise.” Yet, I find the utmost joy and satisfaction in reading into “superficial” matters. Regardless of these dilemmas, it is safe to say most people enjoy basking in the moonlight. At least, I hope they do, because it is by far one of the most delightful ambiances.

Many scientific pieces of research have proved a change in animal, human, and atmospheric fluctuations during a full moon and at night-time. One of the most frequent variations in nature that occurs with the changing moon is the “Tide” effects. Also known as the high and low tides. This phenomenon is quite common and can appear once a month or every night, depending on the placement of the country. Apart from the sea tides, earth tides too occur during full moons, which we hardly sense. Another peculiar study shows the changes in the animal world around the time of the full moon. This includes scorpions exuding a blue color because of the moonlight’s reflection, and corals making the beast with the two backs at an extraordinary pace. This reminds me of a tale I was told as a child by my grandparents. It was that the canines and the wild foxes in the backyard howl at the full moon, to imply that they have captured their prey for the night. Little me would fall into a terrible slumber as I would dream of all the viable ways, they are ripping apart their victim and also contemplating if they would break in and drag my little brother away too. Maybe it is these narratives or the shows such as the White fang that later in my adolescent years got me hooked on reading fantasy fiction. Specifically, on werewolves. Though the concept of werewolves is solely based on mythology, their whole realm revolves around the existence of the moon. Werewolves, the creatures of the night, are said to be created by the moon goddess. A whimsical goddess who I envisioned to have long silver hair has been an icon of the moon and mythology for a long time. The mythology of lycanthropes is closely weaved with the moon. It is said in some tales that these changelings are the most active around a full moon, which might be one of the reasons why most people still correlate the howling of dogs with the moon. And, to top it off, the female Alpha in a pack is called a Luna, which is a euphemism for the moon. From a mythological perspective, Artemis, the Greek goddess of archery, wild nature, and chastity, was also said to be the mother of wolves and the goddess of the moon. She is generally depicted adorning a silver or white dress that symbolized her connection to the moon. In Ceylon mythicism too, there is the story of “Chanda Kinnara”, which directly translates to ‘moon maids and men.’

Something that we don’t hear much about is the discussion on “Moon sensitivity.” Believe it or not, this is a lot more common than expected. Moon sensitivity is the feeling of anxiety, mood swings, being excessively emotional, and sensitivity around the time of the full moon. Anyone can comprehend this if they pay close attention to themselves around the time of the full moon. It is also natural to be drawn or be attracted to the moon as it can radiate a feeling of warmth. Explaining this phenomenon to a person who has never experienced or indulged in the moonlight is quite arduous. One of the best encounters we can gain from nature is to savor what is already around us. We allocate so much time to relish the beauty in nature during the day because everything is much more noticeable to the naked eye. During night-time, people tend to get cooped up inside their abodes when there is a complex universe outside waiting to be appreciated. One of my personal favorite things to do at nightfall is to take a stroll outside, particularly on the nights surrounding a full moon when the moonlight is grazing every leaf, plant, rock, and surface. The chilly breeze, accompanied by the little rackets of the crickets, croakers, and other insects, the sounds of the leaves brushing each other, and the absolute stillness of the chatter of human voices and vehicles is truly an ambiance that people should encounter more of. Though it is quite troublesome to gain complete hush in your locality, this sensation can be enjoyed very much on a night that has a power blackout. When all the machinery, electronic devices along with human chatter cease. For those who might query the discrepancy between savoring the quietness of midnight on a mediocre day versus on a day with a power outage, it is safe to say that there is a very definite contrast in the type of silence you will experience. One of the reasons I enjoy acknowledging or even composing about the moon and its influence on people and nature might be because I may or may not be infatuated with the moon. The moon is one of the very few elements that furnish me with the utmost delight and a sense of warmness. Though these emotions are difficult to be articulated into words, the moon in itself is a form of dopamine or serotonin and even an aphrodisiac in my perspective, and I am very well aware that I am not alone on this one.

Apart from the scientifically proven ways, the moon plays a major role in astrology and horoscopes as well. According to Western astrology, the three most important signs in anyone’s horoscope is the Sun sign, Moon sign, and the Ascendant. According to Eastern astrology, which is commonly known as the Sidereal, Vedic, or Jyotish, gives priority to one’s moon sign. Moon plays an intricate part in both astrology, horoscope, tarot readings, palmistry, and believe it or not, even in modern witchcraft. One thing both Western and Eastern Astrology shares as a common trait are their shared approach of determining a person’s personality according to their astrological chart, or their moon sign. In astrology, the moon sign is indispensable as it gives an insight into who a person really is deep down. The sun sign, as inferred by astrology, is the personality trait one dispenses to the world. It is a sort of a facade, and this does not define the authentic spirit lying beneath. The moon sign enables astrologers to identify one’s emotions, sentiments, relationships, attachments, and most importantly, how they ‘feel.’ The zodiac sign Cancer is the only sign that is directly associated with the moon, hence making it special. Cancer personalities are believed to be more intuitive, even psychic to a certain extent, more in touch with their feelings, more empathetic, responsible, loyal, reliable, caring, and passionate. These are usually the traits that are used to describe the moon in many cultures. Cancer men and women have a close relationship with their families and can be known as homebodies to a certain extent as well. They might enjoy a night in than a night out. They do keep their emotions bottled up and guarded sometimes as a result of their zodiac sign creature being a crab (crabs have a thicker shell and are harder to get through to them). These people are much more complex to understand as they have many layers to them and, they have ever-changing ideologies just like the phases of a moon, making it difficult for them to adhere to one opinion or theory for a long time. Regardless, according to astrological temperament models, Cancerians and Pisceans might be the most intellectually, and emotionally in tune to others’ feelings, and that is far more superior.

Though there is so much to discuss, discover, and explore on this celestial body known as the moon, not every sentiment can be written down. Certain things are far better when experienced than being spoken of. With that said, I would conclude the moon journey with a reminder for you to go out and savour the moonlight and the stars tonight.

The impact of the “teacher” figure

The multifaceted role of a teacher & their impact, as seen by a student.

A teacher in this narrative could be any person who assists anyone in acquiring knowledge, learning, and growing. The term “teacher” is more of an umbrella term to an array of characters that falls under it. Grandparents, parents, qualified teachers, lecturers, instructors, tutors, coaches, and even Youtubers can be teachers. We might have already heard most reasons why teachers are so important in a person’s life, especially the classroom teacher. This is already existing knowledge, and all of it is available on Google, so repeating all the pros and cons would be a waste of time. And I am in no way a skilled expert to analyse the role of a teacher, so this is my observation of these figures in the Sri Lankan context.
The most common disparity we see in high-school teachers in Sri Lanka and the rest of the world is the lack of standards established into being a qualified educator. Excluding the professionals who have undergone years of training in teaching and understanding child psychology. I’ll share a personal experience to back up my discussion. Coming from an affluent girls’ school in Colombo 7, anyone would assume the school to be infested with teachers of high standards and regulated teacher’s qualifications before being accepted as a teacher. Though in most instances, they did have proper qualifications, some were seriously questionable. Back when I was in the sixth-grade music class, we spent most of the period listening to the teacher’s life rants. One thing I learned from her was, the sole reason she became a teacher was because she was fed up with her 9 to 5 job as a banker. This is the leading factor which makes many people become teachers. Not the liking towards their profession or children. Short working hours, extended holidays, a carefree lifestyle, a considerably good salary are all tempting in the long run for many people. Then there were the teachers who had absolutely no sense of empathy. The teaching role for them was just another job that pays well, with linear schedules. They maintained a poker face and an IDGAF attitude; they will slap you in the face and drag you by the pigtails if you ever dare to question them, even on subject matters. Another such instance was when I was doing my A/Ls, and one of the teachers left the school to pursue her Master’s abroad; at least, that’s what she told us. A month later, she was featured in a leading International school’s monthly newsletter as the head principal (age 25). Showcasing networking in the form of being one of N. Grero’s exes would prove out to be highly beneficial. During my school years, my parents’ schooling years, and even today, we hear numerous encounters of incompetent educators taking the role of being a mentor to children. The mere fact of excelling in a specific subject field has earned them their occupation, but certainly not the skills to be working with highly susceptible minds. For some children, their childhood tyrant could have been a self-centred teacher. I met many incompetent teachers in my school days growing up, which led me to have little to no respect towards many. Another thing I observed mainly in Lankan schools is favouritism. This is not the innocent act of a teacher taking an interest in a student, but when the parents interfere with a child’s education to gain special treatments. I have no clear insight into how things function in government sector schools but in private and International schools, let’s just say the teachers are easily buyable, which is a tragic situation in itself. This was very prevalent in my school, where we witnessed moms waiting by the gate all day until they can ambush an unsuspecting teacher and bribe them with shiny goodies and candies to get their child to the choir team or the prefects guild.
Another aspect that is very noticeable among all the educators I have met with is the superior role they strictly maintain — the yearning to be called with respect and a title. Miss, Sir, Madam, Mr., etc, must be added if one needs not be punished. The sad part about this whole ordeal is them associating respect with a title. It is not the title that earns them respect; it is their behaviour. As the quote implies, “You can’t ask for respect. You have to earn it”. Referring to educators with a title may be a form of respect for some, but it only creates a gap between the two parties. It makes you see them as your superior, makes it harder for us, as students to freely communicate. Students naturally become more well-mannered, aware of what they do because the educator’s title is embedded in the student’s mind. This was very apparent to me with the teacher-student relations I had with the Lankan tutors versus foreign tutors. The foreign tutors were adamant about us calling them by their name without any titles, and even if by mistake we did call them sir or madam, they would be quick to correct us as not to do it again. This might be a personal preference but, it does make a world of a difference. Even if the educator or mentor was of several years (around 2 years) difference, and if they still insist us to call them by a title, there would be an instant rift between the student and the teacher. It is inevitable. The words, acts are all filtered, censored, and discreet around such people. Even be it the title of “Akka” and “Ayya”. There were many acquaintances in the University premises that insisted on being referred to as “Akka, Ayya” and for them, a young person referring them by their name was like a stab to the heart. While at the same time I met those who insisted on being called by their names, regardless of the age differences. This instantly creates a bond and a feeling of trust. I have noticed I’m much more comfortable and gravitate towards people who are like the latter example (and to say adios to the former category). A personal observation is — there’s a significant change in the way we treat people once we start to call them by a name other than their birth name. If we’re on a first-name basis, many people feel comfortable opening up, because now you get to see them more as a friend than a superior.
This brings me to the present context of educators I’m surrounded with. In the short time that I encountered educators after high-school, I came across a whole variety of teachers. But most of the encounters were brief and some might not even know of my existence. But a recent encounter that I faced in the University premises, literally made me question the mentality of certain so-called instructors and the eligibility, standards set for them to be in a position of a teacher. One of such not-so-pleasant encounters in the past year written with a fairy tale element (originally posted on IG) as not to expose them and get me in trouble. In this story, there are people of three tiers. First-tier compromising of the well-established members, second-tier — the ones who are trying to reach the established position within the institute.
“Oompa Loompas lived amongst the demonic Wonka Wannabes on a faraway Candy land. It was yet another scorching hot weekday in the Chocolate factory. A little fun fact about Natalia, She loves to mind her fucking business, stay away from drama, but the world is like, “Nope, not today!”. As customary, she was summoned to the chocolate factory because a new potion master came to prepare the young Loompas for the finals. The day was filled with anxiety, and all the Loompas were murmuring potions equations, trying their very best to not fail the potion class. This wannabe Wonka, let’s say, was… interesting. Although she loves to mind her fucking business, Natalia sometimes can’t, not because she doesn’t want to, but she just genuinely can’t. Natalia was to take care of the potion equipment that day; did she ask to do it? No. Did she have to? YES. Natalia had absolutely no idea about this potion equipment. Why, you may ask? Well, let’s just say that the wannabe potion’s master was not of the best in terms of his appointed task. But ask Natalia anything about this wannabe Wonka’s liking to make potions with naked Oompa Loompas and Wannabe Wonka’s mini version; she would respond with the most accurate data. Rewind to mid-day when the wannabe Wonka ordered Natalia to fix his broken cauldron. Natalia, not knowing how to do it (and she had enough reasons as not to know), asked the help of one of her fellow potion experts, Loompa. Little did Natalia knew how this triggered the Wonka wannabe. Wonka Wannabe stared at Natalia; if looks could kill, Natalia would have been ten feet under! And as all the Loompas watched, the Wannabe Wonka started to turn beet red and mustered up the words, “wHy DiD yOu Do tHaT!?” as he stormed off, leaving a trail of smoke behind him. 15 mins later, wannabe Wonka approached the unsuspecting Natalia in a corner, got real close to her face, smiled showing all his rotting teeth and asked more like rhetorically.
“i SaW wHaT yOu DiD tHeRe!
aRe YoU dUmB?
dO yOu EvEn sPeAk EnGlIsH?
hOw dId YoU eVeN gEt In To tHe cHoColAtE FaCtOrY!?
yOu WiLl NoT LaSt A dAy In tHe WoNkA sTuDioS!!”
-Exits Natalia crying — “

The verbal encounter we had (by we had, I mean he talked and I listened) was by no means exaggerated; in fact, it was downplayed. Which in some ways contributed to have an outlook of disappointment towards the “teachers” the institute continues to bring in. This was not the only time “Natalia” ended up crying due to incompetent instructors in the one year of university she endured (the fact that these incidents happen alone would be sufficient to create an overall impression of educators usually). As per any topic of conversation, there’s both the good and the bad. The yin and the yang, that balances out everything. There’s an abundance of good mentors that can outnumber the bad encounters. Something we often disregard is that just because one has several academic qualifications or years of expertise in a field, that doesn’t naturally qualify them to be teachers. But it is, unfortunately, the main deciding factor when accepting mentors or educators to a certain institute. An educator can be equipped with multiple MSc’s and Ph.D.’s, 100 years of working experience, and a whole list of LinkedIn credentials and yet make a whole classroom fall asleep with one speech. At the end of the day, these educators though they have fountains of knowledge and wisdom, their incapacity to teach is what I see as the overall incompetence of an educator. There are many teacher figures, mentors that I met along the way that completely changed my perspectives, views, and outlooks on life, and most of them to this day might not know the impact they had on me by their mere existence.

In conclusion, it is evident that anyone could be a teacher, educator, or mentor. It isn’t the academic qualifications that make anyone fit to be a teacher but the unorthodox methods one uses to teach so the students get to actually learn, rather than be a seat filler. The ability for an educator to be more empathetic and look beyond the paradigms of the teacher role he/she is playing. The role played by a teacher doesn’t have to be conventional, it is multi-faceted. A common misjudgement of teachers is underestimating the students. Most of the errors on a teacher’s part occur because they don’t believe their students have the capacity to understand just as much as they can. Every small thing an educator or a teacher figure does is very obvious to a student. What they forget is, they just have one pair of eyes on a whole class versus a dozen of curious and analytical eyes on one person. A video that explains these roles clearly is What makes a good teacher great? | Azul Terronez | TEDxSantoDomingo.

A Balanced state of Mind

In recent years minimalistic lifestyle reached an unexpected peak due to the major boost it was given by western media. With the introduction of the Konmari method in 2014 to the Western states, there was a significant hike in people’s inclinations to incorporate a minimalistic approach in their day-to-day lives. Though the minimalism movement was utilized in most households, it was chiefly through materialistic aspects. De-cluttering, becoming less attached to corporealities, etc. In the process of minimalism presenting to the Western world, the essence of the practice was lost, and a form of gentrification can be seen in the viewing patterns of minimalism and how at present it has become an ideal state of living to flaunt rather than to indulge in for inner-most peace. The discipline of minimalism has become a source for clickbait, increased views, and a romanticized concept. In the discussion of minimalism, it is to be noted that there is a diverse pool of ways one can express minimalism. Be it through their art, architecture, designing style, lifestyle, mindset, fashion sense, etc. There are so many potentialities on how one can incorporate minimalism into their lives, but out of them, the minimalistic lifestyle is one of the categories that has undergone a lot of transformation from its original teachings.

The origin of minimalism dates back to the unrecorded days of Eastern history. Minimalism, as we know it today, is commonly known as a state of Zen living. Zen lifestyle which derives from the teachings of Mahayana Buddhism does not carry religious ideologies, but it is more of a philosophy or a way of conscious living. Taoism accompanied by Xuanxue is believed to be derived from the original teachings of Zen Buddhism. One can argue that Zen living and Taoism are all religious dogmas but another can counter-argue that both can be perceived as philosophies as well. Minimalism, Zen, Taoism in hindsight seems like three dissimilar teachings since they have three distinct names, yet all share the same introspect on life. Which is to be in-tune with one’s emotions, inner peace, spirituality, inner balance and to be one with nature. The minimalism taught in western practices focuses mainly on de-cluttering the living space and one’s surrounding as it is directly related to creating a parallel with the state of one’s mind to the environment one lives in. This is like the iceberg model and is not a long term solution. As the Chinese would say, there needs to be Yin and Yang for balance. Focusing on de-cluttering alone will not give the same yield as living a wholly zen lifestyle accompanied by an equal mindset.

On the topic of Yin and yang philosophical pedagogy, the Chinese teach the duality in everything around us. There is a duality in the Sun and the moon, night and day, climates, seasons, emotions, and temperaments of man. This duality creates a much-needed balance. The co-existence of both carnivores and herbivores creates a balance in nature and the eco-system. The weeds would not be overflowing as a result of herbivores and the plants will not go extinct as a result of carnivores consuming the herbivores creating a balance in population. This is better explained scientifically through Darwin and his theories. If Earth was to be covered in greenery, which is what some global warming activists view as an ideal state, 70% to more land could go underwater due to floods and increased levels of rainfall. To balance this phenomenon, on the opposite side of the globe to rainforests we find desserts. Nature simply knows what’s best to maintain life on Earth by creating balance. The simplest of imbalances in nature can create long-lasting and detrimental consequences. This is why the conservation of wild parks, water parks, marshlands, and greenery is much needed. But the majority in the world have doubts or speculations when it comes to believing in certain notions. There are religious and spiritual extremists who completely contradicts the scientific findings and work according to the teachings of their religion, cult, spiritual leader, or intuition. Flat earthers, anti-vaxxers, maskholes all believe with the power of praying, manifesting, the belief of the divine, herbal, and organic lifestyle that they can achieve anything they desire. Then there are the scientific extremists, who solely function with facts and data. Even the thought of believing in the possibility of something existing beyond the scientific knowledge and understanding triggers them. To them, science is the almighty God of all answers. This too is very problematic. Whatever end of extremism you are in is unhealthy as it naturally creates an imbalance in one’s mindset. Being able to accept the unknown around us and not invalidating other possibilities can open up different opportunities as well as novel outlooks to the world around us. This brings me to the controversy around holistic medicinal practices which is highly scrutinized by the scientific medicinal field while it has attained a speculative narration during the process. Holistic practices, Traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), Ayurvedic medicine are considered to be a few of the most historically antiquated methods of medicinal practices known up to date and are termed as alternate medicinal practices as the western approach to ailments have become a high priority and the leading solution at present. Thanks to the new and improved technologies we cannot blatantly disregard the pivotal role western medicine has bestowed on humanity and to improve the overall living status of all living beings. Since medieval times there has been a decrease in mortality rates, total elimination from diseases that were once considered incurable such as smallpox. Though there’s a lot to be thankful for because of the new technological findings it should not be forgotten that there are still many deaths that occur as a result of prescribing the wrong medication, evaluating the ailment wrongly, overdosing, and many more other mishaps. One of the many reasons for this is the western practices solely depending on technologies for proper diagnosis. There are numerous instances when patients were put through faulty medical procedures, overdosed, or were prescribed improper medication due to an improperly evaluated scan, x-ray, blood checkup, or else. The doctors in most western practices take the least amount of time to get to know their patients to go through a lot in one day. This has created a quality over quantity atmosphere in hospitals which could lead to more complications than possible positive outcomes. The same applies to the context of veterinary care for animals. One of the main rationalizations for me to not pursue my dream of being a veterinarian might have occurred from the fact that there are more deaths a vet causes in their lifetime than the amount they cure. There were countless times that I have lost many of my beloved pets to wrongly prescribed medicine than of natural and timely deaths. Where in most instances I have gotten used to doing my own research and recovering them through natural means than opting for veterinary care which has elicited far more positive results especially when it comes to smaller animals like rodents, hamsters, rabbits, squirrels, and birds. Because of what we are exposed to through media it is natural of us to think badly of natural and holistic treatments. It is by no means saying that deadly pandemics like Covid-19 can be cured through holistic practices. The faith put on to alternative medicine has declined significantly due to people such as Dhammika Bandara who candidly share and spread their idiocracy which leads to people putting their blind faith in Dhammika Paniya, Rawana paniya, and such idiocracies.

One of the main teachings of holistic practices, TCM and Ayurveda are not only to prescribe a medicine for the injury or ailment but find the root causes behind it. Which is a total acknowledgment of the patient’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. The doctors take more time to understand the patient, their living situations, eating habits, and mental state which is very detrimental and easily neglected due to the fast-paced structure in western medicine. One of the best ways to explain the difference between these two practices is to imagine a context where a child is taken to see a western practitioner due to a stomach ache and the diagnosis would most probably be stomach flu, unhygienic eating patterns, or a worm disease. The child would get medication to cure the ailment but it would not heal with no given medications and the child would be continuously given medications that are not fit for his ailment. But if the child was to be taken to a holistic practitioner, the underlying condition for the incurable stomach ache would be diagnosed as anxiety. This would be treated considering the child’s psycho-social needs. Though this could be diagnosed by proper western practitioners, it would take them a trial and error period to get to the proper diagnosis. Likewise, it is important to see all the sides in every situation and context and to have a balanced outlook and mindset.

At the end of the day, what zen Buddhism, zen lifestyle, minimalism, Taoism, Jainism, holistic and other alternative medicinal practices all teach in its essence is the need to find one’s inner balance, harmony, peace by getting in touch with one’s intuition and nature. It is said in almost all ancient philosophies the only way a man can truly find himself and find inner peace is by tracing one’s steps to living a life aligning with nature. One thing that all these philosophies emphasize repeatedly is the need to get closer to nature, reduce screen time, have one-to-one connections, etc. Which reminds me of a book that I recently read on how we as humans have welcomed chaos into our lives. There are so many instances we hear of the negative repercussions of messing up our sleeping schedules, eating unhealthy food, using technology way too much, and so on. There must be countless times, our parents have preached this to us yet we ignore it because of the busy lives we have got used to. Yet, once I read that book, it was as if I finally came to my senses how we literally damage ourselves and then amidst all that yearns to find peace, happiness, and comfort. In brief, the book teaches on the ways one can re-trace their steps to rewire their brain to align with nature. Starting from sleeping patterns. With the over-consumption of technologies after nightfall and getting used to artificial luminescence, night-time has extended and we have gotten accustomed to sleeping till afternoon. This has messed up our natural circadian rhythm. This is quite comparable to the previous piece on the effects of the moon, night, and moonlight on our bodies. Next is seasonal foods. With the availability of all sorts of food throughout the year, we have gotten used to eating any food at any given time. But if we switch to eating seasonal foods this can naturally align our bodies to the proper seasons and environments around us, because at the end of the day we are a creation of nature itself.

In conclusion, it can be very beneficial for oneself to get in touch with nature and find themselves through a self-awareness journey. For this, the teachings of the above-mentioned philosophies and mindsets can appear as very helpful and enlightening as it not only teaches one to find yourself and to attract the things that matter to you the most but also teaches the necessity to let go. Letting go of things, people, emotions, and unhealthy desires. If it doesn’t benefit your heart, your soul, or your mind, it might not need a place in your life. These lifestyles teach extremely valuable life lessons such as the art of pausing. Pausing from everyday hectic work schedules, mundane routines, pauses from connections, relationships, and people. The necessity to find alone time, embrace uncertainty, silence, and freedom.

Concluding with one of the most memorable quotes from that book “If you don’t stop and pause, life will do it for you.”

Romanticizing Parenthood

“Not everyone is fit to be a parent in a society where parenthood is idealized, romanticized, and encouraged.”

Biologically speaking, parenthood and procreation are inevitable and substantial among humans and all living beings. This is what sustains a species and safeguard it from becoming extinct. This is the plight for most species excluding humans at present. The fear of going extinct should be not in humans’ minds but of the thousands of animals and plants driven to the brink of extinction daily by humans. Yet, here we are, multiplying by the very second at an unprecedented rate. So why do we, humans, have the dire need to breed? The answers could vary from “I love kids,” “We need to preserve our race/ethnicity,” “I need to pass down my family name,” “Just because that’s what’s expected of a person,” to the most cliche answer, “An investment, Who is going to take care of me when I’m older.” Even if you did ask your self as to why you would require a child of your own, did you question for a second is it because we, as humans, need to procreate because we are at the brink of extinction, or is it because this is what’s expected of you from the society? The intention of this is not to bash those who have children or to tell anyone the futility of the modernized social construct of the term “Family.” It’s mainly to reiterate how much we have deviated from the pragmatic purposes of producing or needing children to become creatures who follow an unintentionally established system in our society.

It is the norm for our grandparents’ generations to produce a lot of children. This was mainly due to two reasons. Firstly, they believed in the concept of large families; secondly, lack of understanding/availability of birth control. Though many people opt for various lifestyles, such as celibacy, adoption, not have children, etc., society is not ready to accept change just yet. At present, we have no concerns about humans falling into extinction, but on the contrary, we face a crisis with overpopulation. But, the segregated mentality within us — cultural, racial, ethnic differences-drives humans to preserve their race so as not to be outnumbered by another race. All of these analyses combined are sufficient to attest how much of a selfish act we play in parenthood’s romanticized ideology. This brings me to the central statement of the article, “Every child deserves parents, but not all parents deserve children.” The most cliche response I have seen most people give is, “I did not ask to be born, so why am I alive?” A pro-lifer might disagree with this statement, but there is a certain sense of truth to it. Hence why I call the current trend of having a family is solely on selfish desires. Each child’s life growing up in a family is different; therefore, this statement cannot be generalized. There’s an array of reasons why every woman under the sun is not fit to be a mother and why every man is not fit to be a father, yet our society expects everyone to be so. How is that going to work out?. Some children are born out of wedlock or through unfortunate circumstances, which leads them to be in foster care and face many hardships. Those classifications would not be addressed here as I solely focus on the parents who deliberately plan and produce kids. All of us were raised by a parent(s) or at least a parental figure. This could be a grandparent, elder sibling, relatives, or all of them, as some sayings say, “it takes a village to raise a child.” If you’re a younger sibling, congrats! You might have got parented by not just your parents but your older sibling(s) too.

At least in my case, I like to shove my little brother around as If I’m the shepherd, and he’s the sheep. Not all siblings might be able to relate to this (and I know that for a fact as I did a mini-survey and found out not everyone shares the same opinions on sibling relationships), but according to the psychology of birth order, the older sibling is generally more responsible and has mature attributes compared to the carefree, rebellious nature of a younger sibling. This is quite apparent in me and my brother’s relationship (apart from the significant age gap and him being a complete ass, and my constant longings to ship him off to Mars along with all the other younger brothers until they are of mature age). The survey I carried out gave an array of responses, which got me thinking about why and how these platonic relationships differ from person to person. Sibling relationships are one of the few ways one can examine to get an idea of how they are being raised inside a family, behind closed doors. Another way is the mentality of the individual. The various means he/she functions in public and private settings, their relationships with other people all reflect their upbringing — for example, extreme independence, the “lone wolf” attributes, fear of commitment, fear of relationships (platonic or love), interpersonal relationships, too much of secrecy or privacy, constant worry (over-analyzing), insecurities, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, uncontrollable anger, weight gain, and weight loss, specific fears, insomnia, are all a few of the ways we as adults portray childhood unhealed trauma. “Unhealed” trauma is complex as the person might still be foreign to the fact that they have been affected by their childhood traumas or have not come to terms with solving them. There are several ways (by several, I mean so many ways) grown adults portray their unhealed childhood trauma. When I say trauma, do not misunderstand it for just the life-altering events in your life. But unhealed trauma can be caused by something as small as a simple yet powerful sentence like, “You are stupid.” One of the tragic ways adults suppress or hide their past, the feeling of nostalgia or even the pain, is through work. Workaholics, therefore, have a higher tendency to have a rough childhood. So, to bring the whole point of the narrative back to the present, Romanticizing parenthood is toxic for this core reason. Most childhood trauma is a product of the parent(s) or the parental figure, followed by childhood bullies. If the origin of a child’s upbringing is of a peaceful and healthy setting, there is a huge possibility for the child to push through all other obstacles with the help of his/her family. But when the main issue lies within the family itself, then the child becomes helpless. This is when the quote “Every child deserves a parent, but not all parents deserve a child” applies. Unfortunately, not every person is equipped to be a parent. This is what our society can’t understand. It shouldn’t be “do you want to raise a child?”; it should be “can you raise a child?”

Pulse.lk had two separate videos on parenting which was quite insightful. The two videos interviewed people of two social levels — one with affluent, well-educated celebrity figures and the other average citizens. The questions asked by both classes were quite similar, but the answers were like day and night. The interview with the celebrity figures addressed the necessity of being a good parental role model to the children, focusing more on their emotional development and well-being, giving them their desired freedom, and many more psychologically backed up parental hacks. The average citizen’s responses focused on the child’s education; “knowledge is power” centric thought process, and to make the child a good citizen. When questioned where they learned to parent, they stated they learned through their parents, people around them, and grandparents. In hindsight, there is nothing wrong with either one of these categories. Both groups want the best for their children. But here we see that how we learn to be a parent is through a parent, there is a higher chance of us making the same mistakes as they did because you were too busy making babies. This is where the generational toxicity is passed through. You and I both might be unaware of these generational cycles since we are subjected to see and feel them on a daily basis. But according to psychological studies on childhood trauma and what causes them, these are a few of the reasons,

• Parents who have gone through psychological distress are more likely to mistreat their children unintentionally. (Hence my theory on generational toxic cycles)
• Irrational and uneducated beliefs of parents hinder the opinions, growth, and freedom of children.
• Physical punishments — that leaves scars, bruises ( Some of you might say, “My mom, dad, and my whole ancestry used to hit me with everything, even with the polkatu handa, but I turned out fine. All I have to ask is, “ARE YOU OK?”)
• Unhealthy comparisons — Why can’t you be like you’re akka? Why can’t you be like nandage putha? The neighbor’s haraka works more than you! (tsk tsk it’s never enough for them) Comparing siblings can lead to ultimately resenting them and creating unhealthy bonds with them.
• Verbally abusive statements: You’re stupid, You’re incompetent, You’re useless.
• Threatening with abandonment — This is very common among parents who have toddlers. And the worst part is sometimes they do this just for fun. At the end of a visit how many of your drunk uncles and nosy aunties had asked to take your malli or nangi away? Me and my brother might be at each other’s throats every second but still, I would stab anyone who tries to take him away from me.
• Threatening with depriving them of their happiness — This might be the most common punishment or controlling method followed by almost every parental figure. Low grades? No tv, no phone, no going-out, no calls. Didn’t do the chores? No tv, no phone, no friends over, etc. Stomachache? No phone. Problems apparently disintegrate when you limit your kid’s happiness.
• Empty promises — “If you do this, I will get you that” but the failure to keep up the promise will over time cause the child to completely lose trust in the most important person in his life and this will go on to impact all of their future relationships as well. The beginning of a “trust issue” saga. Like the memes say, “Mom can we stop at Mcdonalds? No, we have food at home. *the food at home — parippu and rice*
• Blaming the child for the parent’s downfall and playing the victim card — we forget that parents are humans too and therefore they are dealing with their own battles and demons. But they have the choice to choose whether to pass this on to my child and traumatize him or to change. If you know you can’t change, you should not have a child, because they are not your punching bag( theoretically and metaphorically).
• Shutting down the kids when questioning or being curious — This is one of the worst things a parent or any elder can do to a growing child. Children are so curious about everything. Shushing them is like silencing them forever. I read about how a child was shushed for singing by her exhausted mother after a long workday and this affected her so much. Until her late 30s, she never had the courage to sing out loud. It’s the small things that make the biggest differences. The sole reason I never hug her/ hug her back (my mom) is that when she was pregnant with my brother I went for a hug, but perhaps because of her mood swings she shrugged me off, and the pain of being rejected as a child yearning for a hug was enough for me to never ever hug her again. Hence, little things, almost every little thing parents/parental figures do unintentionally or intentionally makes lasting impacts.
• Overly demanding — You got 99 for the paper and they would still fry your brains for that one mark you lost. Also known as tiger parenting. They push you to your boundaries until you break.
• Belittling you — Sometimes parents have a hard time seeing you as a grown adult even if you’re in your 40s. This negatively impacts when they mock your beliefs and wouldn’t let you make your own decisions. In their eyes, you will always be the nappy-wearing, thumb-sucking kid.

It is not just by these methods parents can mentally, emotionally, and psychologically fuck your brains, but also through very discreet and subtle ways that even you won’t notice.

• Smothering, overprotecting, creating the child fully dependable on the parents
• Role reversal — Where the eldest sibling has to take the responsibilities of being the mature one. ( This can happen due to many reasons, but it could really affect her and her childhood/youth)
• Good parent/ bad parent — Good in public, the evil behind closed doors. Only the child will experience the two shifts within the same person.
• Secret rivalry — when the parent sees the child as a rival.

To sum it up, parenthood is great. Great for those who know what they are getting into, before choosing to have children. Because of the society, we live in almost everyone is expected to have a stereotypical lifestyle. This is like a pre-programmed blueprint for all. You go to school, get a degree, get a job, get married, have kids, now tend your whole life to kids. For almost half of the living years or more, all a person do is study, get academic qualifications to improve their career life. There would be a short period where you can do as you wish and for some, it is straight to making babies after graduation. This is the life cycle we are used to, we are exposed to. We don’t know why we do it, but we do it anyway. Since this is what every tom and dick out there is doing, it is natural for people to romanticize this messed-up life. It is a bleak silver lining in a stormy cloud. But does that do justice to the unborn child? Who will have to face the same childhood trauma that was passed down for generations? I have rarely seen people take a step back to think if they are suitable, emotionally capable to raise children. The main deciding factors are usually finances, career, a place to live, etc. We are living in an era where children are essential to complete the term “family”. They are essential in a marriage. The concept of having children is like having pets or objects, it is very normalized. The depth of the responsibility is missing. This is by no means saying we are incapable of procreating. It’s a matter of ending generational toxic cycles. Challenging yourself to change for the better. Learn, grow and adapt. But this by no means bashing the parents we have, it is merely a learning process of trial and error. And on that note of parenting, I’m going to toot my own horn by stating elder sister’s too should earn a medal for taking on the acting role of mother, peacemaker, teacher, and occasional serial killer, and if that sister happens to have a younger brother, she should earn the Nobel Peace Prize and the patience prize (they should have one specifically for showcasing outstanding patience because younger brothers <<<< Younger sisters).

Ending with a quote under the comments section on a Tedx Talk on “How did your parents mess up?” — “My mother is a good role model…..She’s everything I don’t want to become.” ( Substitute “mother” to anyone in your life growing up).