Love

One of the very few words that we all try to define with a universal definition but varies profoundly from person to person hence making the whole notion subjective and vague is love. Therefore, my ideology of love might not be the same as yours. One of the few reasons why I have stopped sharing my insights was because the majority I open up to cannot understand my outlook on love. There are different variants of love in a relationship, caring love, dominant love, submissive love, long-distance love, worldly love, corporeal love, and emotional love. Regardless of the relationship and the beliefs of mine or yours, we cannot say it is love or isn’t because that might be their idealistic version of a happy union.

Some may say love is when you shower each other with materialistic articles, for one it could be the simple act of taking the time to prepare a meal, for another it could be spending quality time which another might say is being clingy or possessive, and someone else might only know how to show love through physical touch. Despite the diverse approaches, one can bestow love in all those above-mentioned ways, according to Gary Chapman. His book on the 5 love languages, he states the various ways one can show love.

• words of affirmation,
• quality time,
• receiving gifts,
• acts of service,
• physical touch.

Yet again, these are only some of the methods one can confer love. Because as much as one can make someone else feel loved and cared through these, love is a combination of all of the above, and more. Love in the presence of silence, which is an act of non-verbal communication, is love too. Understanding each other is the ultimate act of love because then you can finally connect on a deeper level that surpasses all other states of love. Once you understand that love isn’t just the need to perform those five acts of love languages and constantly remind each other that they love them by words of affirmation or invading their personal space but instead start trusting them is love. Trust is a double-edged sword that one can use in a relationship for the better or for worse. You can use it to provide them the freedom they desire and use your solitude wisely or weaponize trust and use it to destroy the other soul by generating thoughts of doubt and suspicion guided by your insecurities.

I have told several people throughout the years what I yearn in a relationship. One such person I opened up to was my mother who laughed at my “silliness” and told me to lower my standards. The other person blatantly took the love for granted. Then again, there is a fine line between understanding love and furnishing the person room to grow and breathe as well as taking that for granted and weaponizing the said freedom to hurt the other. Letting each other be their own person and maintain each other’s individuality is in itself love. Love for me is when you understand each other very well that being in silence is not an act of hate, despise, or a pending doom but simply, the state of being themselves and enjoying the solitude. The loudness of your surroundings, the voices, even the hum of a fan can get irritating sometimes, and for me, I would search for a tranquil place to go and seek solace. Sometimes the chatter, laughter of your friends, and colleagues alone can be overwhelming, and I would find comfort in the fresh air of an open space being alone. Yet I would get bombarded with questions from my peers, not realizing that I very much relish my being alone. Likewise, in a relationship too, one can get overwhelmed by the other party, and that is normal. If I ask my mom what love is, for her, it is a completely different notion than of my colleagues, and if I ask a colleague of mine what love is, yet again it is very different than mine. Hence, I find it very challenging to open up to anyone because no one is capable of understanding my opinions. For my colleagues ( not speaking on behalf of all ) love is a time-consuming activity that drains you from your everyday activities. It can take up most of your day, and some even compare it to taking up an extra module as it is very challenging. Countless hours of texting, calling, routine meetups, and over the cause of the relationship, you are not two different people, you are one blob of a mess who is unable to differentiate your own identity from theirs. It is a proven fact, over time, you start to talk, behave, and act like your loved one but, it doesn’t mean you should completely lose your identity and your essence of who you are. Having a personal life is an absurdity in the relationships around me. If I confide in my friend in no time does her/ his partner knows about my deepest darkest secrets too. I have seen way too many relationships as such,and even the thought of it suffocates me. It would be like a 2 in 1 package with such people. They would slowly start losing friends and interests in what they did earlier and make their whole life about the new person of interest, which is typical, I assume. It would be like the honeymoon phase for the first few months until you slowly start losing interest because now there is nothing further about your partner because they have spent the first half of their relationship completely merging themselves. Love as such can be very tiring and exhausting, and it shouldn’t be like that. It should be enjoyable and freeing. There are many trivial things as such that I find uncomfortable and pointless in relationships but then again, that is my opinion.

My beliefs can be very idealistic, yet I find comfort knowing that there is at least one person out there who had preached the same as what I desire in life, making me feel ok to have such idolizations of love. Tumbling upon Osho quotes was probably the best thing that happened to me as it makes me feel sane, knowing that I am not alone, and there might be someone out there who else feels the same. Even though my view on life is having personal space and understanding each other’s needs and wants, it might not be the same for the other person conceiving a clash in opinions hence making them incompatible for a lasting relationship.

Love is not the act of being clingy, possessive, controlling nor can it be measured by the number of gifts one gives, dates you go, the value of what they give nor it is restricting their happiness, freedom, reaching goals, and targets,( be it going out with friends, traveling, academically or occupation wise), love is not falling for what they do, wear or look like, it is a mutual understanding and an emotional connection based on trust and love that can surpass all levels of intimacy. Love is not the act of constantly confirming, reassuring your love nor proving it on a day-to-day basis with words of affirmation but it is the understanding that it goes much deeper than that. Love is letting each other explore themselves and the world around them while nurturing each other’s minds and souls. It is a very complicated word to describe probably because it is a feeling and a state of being rather than a bookish theory. A very simple and enjoyable state to be with the right person and with the correct mindset.

The little things

Why do the little things in life matter? The best way to describe is through the ‘butterfly effect’. Most of the time, we overlook the minute things we encounter on a day-to-day basis because these things that we label as “trivial” or “small” doesn’t excite us. It doesn’t make us take a double-take or raise our eyebrows. But all these ‘little’ things combined can create an overall impression of a person or a scenario. One real-life case is the bush fires that occur across the globe. One ignorantly discarded cigarette end or an improperly put out campfire can appear to do no harm and go unnoticed by the majority. But in a matter of hours and days, this could escalate into a massive bush fire that would destroy many lives. The same concept applies when socializing. When we meet someone for the first time, our intuition tells us to either mingle with them or to run for the hills. If we don’t keep an eye out for these subtle red flags, most of us would have ended up in very dire circumstances. These are just a very few reasons as to why the little things in life always matter.

Growing up encompassed by all kinds of animals, I learned to communicate and read them from an early age through non-verbal communication, of course. Weirdly enough, one of my wishes growing up was to be able to talk with animals, though now I feel like I have acquired my childhood wish but with a twist. It’s as if the Universe listened to my prayers and was like ‘BAM! Give this child her wish!’ but make it entertaining by making this child read into every facial expression and body movement that she will ever come across. (insert God’s sinister laugh) As a result, I tend to sit back and keenly observe every single person I come across. This not only keeps me amused for some time but gives me much-needed insight into that person’s mind. There is always the underestimation that comes with the ignorant and loud characters that keeping one’s silence as an act of submission or weakness. While they carry on reciting a bible’s worth of words, I enjoy my participation by analyzing each person who takes part in these conversations and trying to de-code their mentality. (Not that I don’t take part, but in a novel context this method is much feasible to understand everyone)

There’s so much information one gives away by their presence. One doesn’t require to talk to gain an understanding of who they are. Their mere presence can radiate the innermost feelings by the way they sit, stand, walk, etc. The infinite hours I have spent studying numerous books and articles on human behavioral psychology and the skill of reading into every facial expression on both humans and animals have finally paid off in noticing the smallest details about a person. But it also can get very confusing sometimes as humans are complex beings, and the way one behaves or responds can be directly correlated to the way they think making it harder to generalize their actions.

Apart from the basics of reading a person’s sitting styles, walking mannerisms, standing postures, eye contact, hand gestures, hand placements, facial expressions, leg placements, etc., there are so many other ways one can read a person. Not just in general, but the differences in their attitudes and overall body movements shifts around different people. These changes can occur around personalities they are intimidated by people that they are very comfortable with, people they want to impress, around people they love, and around people they dislike. The changes in voices, voice intensity fluctuations, subtle and involuntarily actions people perform while engaging in a conversation, the movements of the eye, lips, eyebrows, and every small action gives away what a person is thinking and feeling. Being able to pay close attention to these aspects enables people to understand the intentions and actions of the other party. This would assist to avoid many unfavorable situations that could arise from being ignorant. It allows the person to be sensitive to their environment and empathize with the characters around them without jumping to conclusions and negative judgments.

Apart from the various physical gestures, many other “trivial” elements can woo a person or disgust someone. Manners, etiquettes, and the basic ability to empathize play a role in this domain. Though it won’t make much sense to take part in the most basic mannerisms like saying “Thank You” or “Sorry”, especially among close people like best friends or colleagues they do create the overall picture of a person at the end of the day. Recognition, appreciation, and affirmations are a few of the fuels that drive humans to perform better. After all, the way you treat others is the way you will be treated.

The reasons people fall for a person can very much differ from each person. The impression they formulate by their overall existence can create a lasting image. It could be one’s effort to fix their hair or groom themselves, or the slightest effort they placed to fix their posture, attire. They never go unnoticed. The whiff of a perfume you catch when someone walks past you can short-wire a brain (only if that perfume smells good, of course). The small changes one does around someone they like including preening themselves, voice changes, and an overall difference of attitude can all be sensed by one’s intuition and the sixth sense if you observe closely. How goofy some people act around certain people while showing a mysterious and serious side to the others, how people utilize a specific language and a distinct set of vocabulary around some and hide that side from the rest all show the multiple layers we possess and this enables to let only specific people see the “Real” side of someone.

• Remembering the most trivial details in a conversation
• Paying close attention to detail
• The tone people communicate
• How they interact with others
• The silly blunders one makes and the reaction it elicits
• Their unique usage of words
• Sparing time to engage and interact (Especially if that person is busy, sparing time out of their day to talk means a lot)
• Sharing passions and interests
• Recommending books/ songs
• Their energy in a conversation
• Paying attention vs being distracted
• The way they smell and put effort into how they present themselves
• Eye contact
• Touch (in its multi-faceted forms)
• Bits of advice and offering a helping hand
• Creating a safe and comfortable atmosphere to let loose
• Unconventional approaches
• Ability to empathize and understand
• One’s ambitions and dreams
• Checking up on someone
• Letting them know that they pay attention to you
• Listening

These are a few of the things that can create a lasting impression on someone’s mind and can help in deciphering the person.

So, at the end of the day, the most trivial things in a person that we often overlook can play a massive role in creating their identity in our minds. At least within me as I frequently read into things excessively, but this allows me to understand and appreciate the people around me and their efforts because sometimes people are trying their very best, and they get disregarded because of our standards or because of wrong judgments. Tapping into other’s minds and catering to fit their needs can get overwhelming sometimes as you are more in tune with other’s feelings than they are with yours, but I believe being able to empathize with everyone around you can result in giving you more leeway to approach matters better and resolve issues much faster. This conceives more ‘good’ than ‘bad’ hence, being sensitive to the people around you, their actions, words, movements can enlighten your soul, and mind, and benefit all relationships that you take part in.

Why we are who we are – An analysis on eroticism and pornography

Hooked on a never-ending quest for who we are, I’m going to tell you that you and I are not much different from an ape or a canine. Keyword “not much”. One could argue there’s so much that separates us, humans, from animals. The title itself speaks volumes as we have adapted three variants to one simple outcome, “Sex”. At the end of the day Sexuality, Eroticism, and pornography reveals the carnal instincts within humans, which is one of the driving factors for all creatures on Earth. Understanding one’s expression of sexuality in itself can be empowering. Though the three elements stated in the title discuss one shared motive, the process of executing and performing of all three is very dissimilar and has its uniquity.

Sex, Love, Lust, Sexual expression, and Sensuality are matters that have been in question and of discussion throughout the years. One such infamous person to shed some light on this matter is Sigmund Freud. Though some of his arguments and theories are far from reality and practicality, he was able to open new pathways of study. Few of his discoveries are controversial yet make sense when taken as a part of the bigger picture.

1. “Sexuality Is Everyone’s Weakness — and Strength” — Since the beginning of humankind, sexual orientation and sexuality has been one of the sole reasons for major gender divisions and gender-biased job formations. Sex in itself is power. Be it on the bed, in society, or the wild. The one who initiates and the one who controls has the power to get what they want. Be it to satiate their sexual needs, to gain benefits (socially or financially), to play with the power dynamics in a relationship, and to reclaim the dominancy, sex has been and is in use as a weapon. This can either empower or destroy a person depending on the circumstances.

2. “Every Part of the Body Is Erotic” — Freud implied that human beings were sexual from the very beginning. From the days of breastfeeding up until adulthood, there is a sexual drive within all human beings. This reminds me of the well-articulated discourse Seema Anand performed on the “Art of Seduction” on a TEDx forum. She takes references from Ananga Ranga or Kamaledhiplava, which is an Indian sex manual written by ‘Kalyana Malla’ in the 15th or 16th century. Just like Freud, the Indian born storyteller Seema Ananda discreetly explains the subtle yet varied ways of seduction, or in common terminology methods of “turn-on’s”. She further explains the different erogenous zones and the relationships they have with the phases of the moon. In simpler terms, any part of the human body can be erotic.

3. “Fantasy Is an Important Factor in Sexual Excitement” — Needless to go into detail on this, as it is not a secret how much of a vital role our imagination plays to conceive the feeling of being “in the seventh heaven”.

Freudian’s theory in comparison to Carl Jung’s ideologies dispenses contrasting beliefs as well as similarities on a platonic level. While Freud expressed his ideologies on Sex, Love, and sexuality with real-life cases, and analysis of psycho-social behaviors, Jung approached love, sex, and relationships on a more spiritual and philosophical level. Though he excels in the fields of anthropology and a psychoanalyst when it comes to the topic of love, he gravitates more towards philosophy.

“The sexuality of man is more earthly, that of the woman is more spiritual. The spirituality of man is more heavenly, it moves toward the greater.” — Carl Jung, Liber Novus, Page 353.

“We can only become real by accepting our sexuality and not denying it through saintliness.” — Carl Jung.

He takes references from spirituality, religion, and philosophy to express the relationship between a man and a woman. He creates parallels of love to the heavens and the spiritual aspect of the universe implying the existence of a greater depth to the bond shared between two people.

On the topic of love, after browsing through a few of the ideologies and viewpoints of these scholars, I rounded up love into three categories. These can be viewed as different variants of love in a sexual partnership. The first type of love is probably the most common out of all three. It is the love we see commonly among humans and animals. The need to reproduce and the pressure to pass down genes are at the forefront of this partnership. This is a primitive and natural behavior in both animals and humans to ensure the survival of all living beings. In the animal world, we don’t see an attraction beyond the need to reproduce, and the process of finding a suitable mating partner is through an elimination process where the fittest and the strongest gets the chance to pass down their genes. In simpler terms, this is what Darwin explained by natural selection. The human version of love is somewhat similar to that too since most people when in a relationship goes through a process of elimination to choose the best partner for them. People in their mid to late 20s and 30s would usually be in a rush to find a suitable partner to avoid their “lady nuts expiring” and “the joysticks from malfunctioning”.

The second variant of love leans towards a hormonal attraction. This is the person who is in love with the idea of love. He or she is in love with love. It is the desire to be in the honeymoon phase continuously and it would most probably be very short-lived. It’s a state of being high on pleasure and can be paralleled to the feeling of a high one get from an aphrodisiac. Like when consuming chocolate or smelling of vanilla perfume.

The third is a more complex kind of attraction. This attraction is a result of falling in love with the mind, an appreciation of their existence, and agreeing to be a work in progress to uplift each other’s spirits, minds, bodies, and souls. The need to reproduce might be the last thing playing on their minds’ or would not be in the picture at all. Hence, it is not the equivalent of the first kind of love. Since there is an understanding between the two on what each other desires in life there is the possibility to partner up amidst the differences and compromise to work alongside the dissimilarities, knowing very well that there will be ups and downs in the said relationship. Unlike the forever happy-go-lucky honeymoon phase that was expected in the second variant of love, this outshines all sorts of love.

Just like the different variants of love, there are numerous ways of expressing love and attraction. The numerous facets of eroticism and sensuality, also known as sex allow a person to freely express their innermost desires and feelings. On the topic of eroticism and pornography, the double standards between them will forever be in debate. When discussing these two aspects side by side, most would point out the similarities, yet one sounds very sensual, appealing, and even quite romantic and the other a bit on the vulgar side and straight forward. Yet there are the subtle inconsistencies that make a world of a difference. Both would claim to be a form of art or performance but is it? The very well-known form of sexual display, that is pornography, is pretty straightforward and is meant for one purpose, which is to act as a medium of pleasure both for the viewer and the performer, and it gets straight to the point. The act of eroticism is much different in that aspect as it is a subtle and erotic approach compared to the other. Most of the time, in eroticism, there will only be subtleties of foreplay and the erotic depiction of the human body.

There are several types of eroticism. This includes erotica, erotic romance, erotic literature, erotic art, and erotic photography. Though the expression of passion, sensuality, and lust in the form of art is admired and even encouraged in many cultures there is a considerable amount of backlash from the majority at present in Sri Lanka. This is quite ironic considering the notorious history Sri Lanka had in the field of erotic performances, art, and erotic literature. One of the examples taken from history is the music composed by Ananda Samarakoon after being inspired by Tagore. In his work, “Endada Manike” Samarakoon incorporated the Indian goddess Saraswati as she assumes the disguise of a young woman. Enchanted by her beauty, a young man attempts to woo her. He invites her to come into the river to pluck flowers and the dialogue takes on a tone of eroticism when the girl’s white dress becomes wet. Yet the song remains appealing because of the subtle usage of words and the mild language. One of the lyrics is as follows, “In my next birth may I become the honeybee that drinks the flower’s pollen” the specialty of erotic composition during that time and now is the usage of language in the most subtle form. “As Ranjini Obeyesekere explains, “Love poetry or poems evoking śṛngāra rasa (erotic mood) were a well-known feature of classical Sinhalese poetry.” One could even argue that the core principles most deem as sacred in terms of religion, for example, the infamous Kusa Jataka tale carries erotic denotations. Though visual erotica can be appealing, there is so much room for imagination and improvement in the genre of erotic literature. This is similar to romance but has a much sensual and passionate approach in comparison to raunchy novels or straight up smut.

There is much room for growth and to explore in the field of eroticism. Just like the many love languages, such as acts of service, touch, and affirmations, there are various erotic/ sexual languages as well as said by the ONNA journal. According to her, there are five blueprints for erotic love language.

The 5 Erotic Blueprints are:

• Energetic
• Sensual
• Sexual
• Kinky
• Shape Shifter

Apart from these, there are many ways one can express oneself sexually. But why does it matter? Because it is what makes us human, it is one of the things that differentiates us as well as unites us from the animals, it is what makes us incomparable to the other humans. The unique approaches each one of us has towards these factors and how we perceive all these and incorporate them into our lives makes us who we are at the end of the day. Be it the way one performs on the bed, behind closed doors, or the way one flirts, it all indicates the knowledge one has on this matter and their own unique preferences which adds a bit of flavor to a mundane relationship. This creates one’s identity and personality.

Since this is an extremely broad subject matter this is an article that skimmed over the very top layer of the components.

The Moon

An astronomical body that levitates thousands of light-years away from Earth has shifted to be the center of attention in most cultures and traditions. Generally, the moon is recognized to be a symbol of femininity. Hence, in many anecdotes, the moon is referred to as a “she.” In France, the moon is called “La Lune” where the “La” means Her.

From a very young age, we were unintentionally taught to appreciate the moon. Growing up we were exposed to a lot of performances, melodies, and animations revolved around the moon. Parents with small children love to take their kids out at night, point at the sky, and tell the tale about the little rabbit on the moon. As a kid, I was very intrigued and plagued by many questions. Such as how did the rabbit get there? How huge must he be if we can see him from Earth? Is he alone? and if so, does he feel lonely? Why doesn’t he have any friends? and I was further confused when I overheard the song about a “Handa mama.” How do both live there if the rabbit is as big as half the moon? The mysteries only kept on multiplying each passing day. Another uncanny way I recall the moon is how my parents kept me and my brother occupied during late-night car rides by directing us to gaze at the moon and to see how the moon is following us. My brother and I would drop our heads out the window and get amazed every time we see the moon through the trees and wonder why it’s stalking us.

Religiously too we are tied to the moon as we usually celebrate Poya days around the full moon. The moonstone is another piece that is culturally appreciated, which was inspired by the moon. The Karava flag too denotes a Sun and Moon to symbolize their dynasties and origin in Sri Lanka. There is a considerable amount of debate encompassing the impact of the moon on humans and nature. There are various hypotheses to everything around us. We may never uncover the truth, but what we can do is to consolidate and speculate until the end of time and bask in the bliss of at least trying to learn the truth rather than do zilch about it. For some, comprehending and appreciating something as trivial as what I am discerning may seem absurd, and would most probably think, “Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise.” Yet, I find the utmost joy and satisfaction in reading into “superficial” matters. Regardless of these dilemmas, it is safe to say most people enjoy basking in the moonlight. At least, I hope they do, because it is by far one of the most delightful ambiances.

Many scientific pieces of research have proved a change in animal, human, and atmospheric fluctuations during a full moon and at night-time. One of the most frequent variations in nature that occurs with the changing moon is the “Tide” effects. Also known as the high and low tides. This phenomenon is quite common and can appear once a month or every night, depending on the placement of the country. Apart from the sea tides, earth tides too occur during full moons, which we hardly sense. Another peculiar study shows the changes in the animal world around the time of the full moon. This includes scorpions exuding a blue color because of the moonlight’s reflection, and corals making the beast with the two backs at an extraordinary pace. This reminds me of a tale I was told as a child by my grandparents. It was that the canines and the wild foxes in the backyard howl at the full moon, to imply that they have captured their prey for the night. Little me would fall into a terrible slumber as I would dream of all the viable ways, they are ripping apart their victim and also contemplating if they would break in and drag my little brother away too. Maybe it is these narratives or the shows such as the White fang that later in my adolescent years got me hooked on reading fantasy fiction. Specifically, on werewolves. Though the concept of werewolves is solely based on mythology, their whole realm revolves around the existence of the moon. Werewolves, the creatures of the night, are said to be created by the moon goddess. A whimsical goddess who I envisioned to have long silver hair has been an icon of the moon and mythology for a long time. The mythology of lycanthropes is closely weaved with the moon. It is said in some tales that these changelings are the most active around a full moon, which might be one of the reasons why most people still correlate the howling of dogs with the moon. And, to top it off, the female Alpha in a pack is called a Luna, which is a euphemism for the moon. From a mythological perspective, Artemis, the Greek goddess of archery, wild nature, and chastity, was also said to be the mother of wolves and the goddess of the moon. She is generally depicted adorning a silver or white dress that symbolized her connection to the moon. In Ceylon mythicism too, there is the story of “Chanda Kinnara”, which directly translates to ‘moon maids and men.’

Something that we don’t hear much about is the discussion on “Moon sensitivity.” Believe it or not, this is a lot more common than expected. Moon sensitivity is the feeling of anxiety, mood swings, being excessively emotional, and sensitivity around the time of the full moon. Anyone can comprehend this if they pay close attention to themselves around the time of the full moon. It is also natural to be drawn or be attracted to the moon as it can radiate a feeling of warmth. Explaining this phenomenon to a person who has never experienced or indulged in the moonlight is quite arduous. One of the best encounters we can gain from nature is to savor what is already around us. We allocate so much time to relish the beauty in nature during the day because everything is much more noticeable to the naked eye. During night-time, people tend to get cooped up inside their abodes when there is a complex universe outside waiting to be appreciated. One of my personal favorite things to do at nightfall is to take a stroll outside, particularly on the nights surrounding a full moon when the moonlight is grazing every leaf, plant, rock, and surface. The chilly breeze, accompanied by the little rackets of the crickets, croakers, and other insects, the sounds of the leaves brushing each other, and the absolute stillness of the chatter of human voices and vehicles is truly an ambiance that people should encounter more of. Though it is quite troublesome to gain complete hush in your locality, this sensation can be enjoyed very much on a night that has a power blackout. When all the machinery, electronic devices along with human chatter cease. For those who might query the discrepancy between savoring the quietness of midnight on a mediocre day versus on a day with a power outage, it is safe to say that there is a very definite contrast in the type of silence you will experience. One of the reasons I enjoy acknowledging or even composing about the moon and its influence on people and nature might be because I may or may not be infatuated with the moon. The moon is one of the very few elements that furnish me with the utmost delight and a sense of warmness. Though these emotions are difficult to be articulated into words, the moon in itself is a form of dopamine or serotonin and even an aphrodisiac in my perspective, and I am very well aware that I am not alone on this one.

Apart from the scientifically proven ways, the moon plays a major role in astrology and horoscopes as well. According to Western astrology, the three most important signs in anyone’s horoscope is the Sun sign, Moon sign, and the Ascendant. According to Eastern astrology, which is commonly known as the Sidereal, Vedic, or Jyotish, gives priority to one’s moon sign. Moon plays an intricate part in both astrology, horoscope, tarot readings, palmistry, and believe it or not, even in modern witchcraft. One thing both Western and Eastern Astrology shares as a common trait are their shared approach of determining a person’s personality according to their astrological chart, or their moon sign. In astrology, the moon sign is indispensable as it gives an insight into who a person really is deep down. The sun sign, as inferred by astrology, is the personality trait one dispenses to the world. It is a sort of a facade, and this does not define the authentic spirit lying beneath. The moon sign enables astrologers to identify one’s emotions, sentiments, relationships, attachments, and most importantly, how they ‘feel.’ The zodiac sign Cancer is the only sign that is directly associated with the moon, hence making it special. Cancer personalities are believed to be more intuitive, even psychic to a certain extent, more in touch with their feelings, more empathetic, responsible, loyal, reliable, caring, and passionate. These are usually the traits that are used to describe the moon in many cultures. Cancer men and women have a close relationship with their families and can be known as homebodies to a certain extent as well. They might enjoy a night in than a night out. They do keep their emotions bottled up and guarded sometimes as a result of their zodiac sign creature being a crab (crabs have a thicker shell and are harder to get through to them). These people are much more complex to understand as they have many layers to them and, they have ever-changing ideologies just like the phases of a moon, making it difficult for them to adhere to one opinion or theory for a long time. Regardless, according to astrological temperament models, Cancerians and Pisceans might be the most intellectually, and emotionally in tune to others’ feelings, and that is far more superior.

Though there is so much to discuss, discover, and explore on this celestial body known as the moon, not every sentiment can be written down. Certain things are far better when experienced than being spoken of. With that said, I would conclude the moon journey with a reminder for you to go out and savour the moonlight and the stars tonight.

The impact of the “teacher” figure

The multifaceted role of a teacher & their impact, as seen by a student.

A teacher in this narrative could be any person who assists anyone in acquiring knowledge, learning, and growing. The term “teacher” is more of an umbrella term to an array of characters that falls under it. Grandparents, parents, qualified teachers, lecturers, instructors, tutors, coaches, and even Youtubers can be teachers. We might have already heard most reasons why teachers are so important in a person’s life, especially the classroom teacher. This is already existing knowledge, and all of it is available on Google, so repeating all the pros and cons would be a waste of time. And I am in no way a skilled expert to analyse the role of a teacher, so this is my observation of these figures in the Sri Lankan context.
The most common disparity we see in high-school teachers in Sri Lanka and the rest of the world is the lack of standards established into being a qualified educator. Excluding the professionals who have undergone years of training in teaching and understanding child psychology. I’ll share a personal experience to back up my discussion. Coming from an affluent girls’ school in Colombo 7, anyone would assume the school to be infested with teachers of high standards and regulated teacher’s qualifications before being accepted as a teacher. Though in most instances, they did have proper qualifications, some were seriously questionable. Back when I was in the sixth-grade music class, we spent most of the period listening to the teacher’s life rants. One thing I learned from her was, the sole reason she became a teacher was because she was fed up with her 9 to 5 job as a banker. This is the leading factor which makes many people become teachers. Not the liking towards their profession or children. Short working hours, extended holidays, a carefree lifestyle, a considerably good salary are all tempting in the long run for many people. Then there were the teachers who had absolutely no sense of empathy. The teaching role for them was just another job that pays well, with linear schedules. They maintained a poker face and an IDGAF attitude; they will slap you in the face and drag you by the pigtails if you ever dare to question them, even on subject matters. Another such instance was when I was doing my A/Ls, and one of the teachers left the school to pursue her Master’s abroad; at least, that’s what she told us. A month later, she was featured in a leading International school’s monthly newsletter as the head principal (age 25). Showcasing networking in the form of being one of N. Grero’s exes would prove out to be highly beneficial. During my school years, my parents’ schooling years, and even today, we hear numerous encounters of incompetent educators taking the role of being a mentor to children. The mere fact of excelling in a specific subject field has earned them their occupation, but certainly not the skills to be working with highly susceptible minds. For some children, their childhood tyrant could have been a self-centred teacher. I met many incompetent teachers in my school days growing up, which led me to have little to no respect towards many. Another thing I observed mainly in Lankan schools is favouritism. This is not the innocent act of a teacher taking an interest in a student, but when the parents interfere with a child’s education to gain special treatments. I have no clear insight into how things function in government sector schools but in private and International schools, let’s just say the teachers are easily buyable, which is a tragic situation in itself. This was very prevalent in my school, where we witnessed moms waiting by the gate all day until they can ambush an unsuspecting teacher and bribe them with shiny goodies and candies to get their child to the choir team or the prefects guild.
Another aspect that is very noticeable among all the educators I have met with is the superior role they strictly maintain — the yearning to be called with respect and a title. Miss, Sir, Madam, Mr., etc, must be added if one needs not be punished. The sad part about this whole ordeal is them associating respect with a title. It is not the title that earns them respect; it is their behaviour. As the quote implies, “You can’t ask for respect. You have to earn it”. Referring to educators with a title may be a form of respect for some, but it only creates a gap between the two parties. It makes you see them as your superior, makes it harder for us, as students to freely communicate. Students naturally become more well-mannered, aware of what they do because the educator’s title is embedded in the student’s mind. This was very apparent to me with the teacher-student relations I had with the Lankan tutors versus foreign tutors. The foreign tutors were adamant about us calling them by their name without any titles, and even if by mistake we did call them sir or madam, they would be quick to correct us as not to do it again. This might be a personal preference but, it does make a world of a difference. Even if the educator or mentor was of several years (around 2 years) difference, and if they still insist us to call them by a title, there would be an instant rift between the student and the teacher. It is inevitable. The words, acts are all filtered, censored, and discreet around such people. Even be it the title of “Akka” and “Ayya”. There were many acquaintances in the University premises that insisted on being referred to as “Akka, Ayya” and for them, a young person referring them by their name was like a stab to the heart. While at the same time I met those who insisted on being called by their names, regardless of the age differences. This instantly creates a bond and a feeling of trust. I have noticed I’m much more comfortable and gravitate towards people who are like the latter example (and to say adios to the former category). A personal observation is — there’s a significant change in the way we treat people once we start to call them by a name other than their birth name. If we’re on a first-name basis, many people feel comfortable opening up, because now you get to see them more as a friend than a superior.
This brings me to the present context of educators I’m surrounded with. In the short time that I encountered educators after high-school, I came across a whole variety of teachers. But most of the encounters were brief and some might not even know of my existence. But a recent encounter that I faced in the University premises, literally made me question the mentality of certain so-called instructors and the eligibility, standards set for them to be in a position of a teacher. One of such not-so-pleasant encounters in the past year written with a fairy tale element (originally posted on IG) as not to expose them and get me in trouble. In this story, there are people of three tiers. First-tier compromising of the well-established members, second-tier — the ones who are trying to reach the established position within the institute.
“Oompa Loompas lived amongst the demonic Wonka Wannabes on a faraway Candy land. It was yet another scorching hot weekday in the Chocolate factory. A little fun fact about Natalia, She loves to mind her fucking business, stay away from drama, but the world is like, “Nope, not today!”. As customary, she was summoned to the chocolate factory because a new potion master came to prepare the young Loompas for the finals. The day was filled with anxiety, and all the Loompas were murmuring potions equations, trying their very best to not fail the potion class. This wannabe Wonka, let’s say, was… interesting. Although she loves to mind her fucking business, Natalia sometimes can’t, not because she doesn’t want to, but she just genuinely can’t. Natalia was to take care of the potion equipment that day; did she ask to do it? No. Did she have to? YES. Natalia had absolutely no idea about this potion equipment. Why, you may ask? Well, let’s just say that the wannabe potion’s master was not of the best in terms of his appointed task. But ask Natalia anything about this wannabe Wonka’s liking to make potions with naked Oompa Loompas and Wannabe Wonka’s mini version; she would respond with the most accurate data. Rewind to mid-day when the wannabe Wonka ordered Natalia to fix his broken cauldron. Natalia, not knowing how to do it (and she had enough reasons as not to know), asked the help of one of her fellow potion experts, Loompa. Little did Natalia knew how this triggered the Wonka wannabe. Wonka Wannabe stared at Natalia; if looks could kill, Natalia would have been ten feet under! And as all the Loompas watched, the Wannabe Wonka started to turn beet red and mustered up the words, “wHy DiD yOu Do tHaT!?” as he stormed off, leaving a trail of smoke behind him. 15 mins later, wannabe Wonka approached the unsuspecting Natalia in a corner, got real close to her face, smiled showing all his rotting teeth and asked more like rhetorically.
“i SaW wHaT yOu DiD tHeRe!
aRe YoU dUmB?
dO yOu EvEn sPeAk EnGlIsH?
hOw dId YoU eVeN gEt In To tHe cHoColAtE FaCtOrY!?
yOu WiLl NoT LaSt A dAy In tHe WoNkA sTuDioS!!”
-Exits Natalia crying — “

The verbal encounter we had (by we had, I mean he talked and I listened) was by no means exaggerated; in fact, it was downplayed. Which in some ways contributed to have an outlook of disappointment towards the “teachers” the institute continues to bring in. This was not the only time “Natalia” ended up crying due to incompetent instructors in the one year of university she endured (the fact that these incidents happen alone would be sufficient to create an overall impression of educators usually). As per any topic of conversation, there’s both the good and the bad. The yin and the yang, that balances out everything. There’s an abundance of good mentors that can outnumber the bad encounters. Something we often disregard is that just because one has several academic qualifications or years of expertise in a field, that doesn’t naturally qualify them to be teachers. But it is, unfortunately, the main deciding factor when accepting mentors or educators to a certain institute. An educator can be equipped with multiple MSc’s and Ph.D.’s, 100 years of working experience, and a whole list of LinkedIn credentials and yet make a whole classroom fall asleep with one speech. At the end of the day, these educators though they have fountains of knowledge and wisdom, their incapacity to teach is what I see as the overall incompetence of an educator. There are many teacher figures, mentors that I met along the way that completely changed my perspectives, views, and outlooks on life, and most of them to this day might not know the impact they had on me by their mere existence.

In conclusion, it is evident that anyone could be a teacher, educator, or mentor. It isn’t the academic qualifications that make anyone fit to be a teacher but the unorthodox methods one uses to teach so the students get to actually learn, rather than be a seat filler. The ability for an educator to be more empathetic and look beyond the paradigms of the teacher role he/she is playing. The role played by a teacher doesn’t have to be conventional, it is multi-faceted. A common misjudgement of teachers is underestimating the students. Most of the errors on a teacher’s part occur because they don’t believe their students have the capacity to understand just as much as they can. Every small thing an educator or a teacher figure does is very obvious to a student. What they forget is, they just have one pair of eyes on a whole class versus a dozen of curious and analytical eyes on one person. A video that explains these roles clearly is What makes a good teacher great? | Azul Terronez | TEDxSantoDomingo.