Twisted Fate

Originally Published in the Rotaract Mora blog – 29th of May 2020 https://blog.rotaractmora.org/twisted-fate/

He was bright as the day,

She was quiet as the bay,

He was all for play,

And she was a little merry-Jay.

He got sundaes on his birthdays,

She pots Sundays on the Archways,

He was all for horseplay,

She was appalled in Bombay.

He played all day,

And had nothing on his resume,

Had no leeway,

So drank to getaway.

She worked all day,

Sold nosegay,

Started her pathway,

That lead to her breakaway.

He is a mess who went astray,

She is a success that made her way

He is the buyer of his own doomsday,

And she was the purveyor for his end-day.

Managing our mental health during the pandemic

Originally published in the Rotaract Mora Blog – 22 May 2020

In a nation where physical wellness is bestowed with infinite care as opposed to mental health, we should converge to diminish that stigma and seize responsibility for our mental well-being throughout these arduous circumstances. One should not be disconcerted nor hesitant to address candidly about their feelings and share them among preferred and entrusted persons. The pandemic has not solely altered the world negatively by contaminating hundreds of individuals per day but also by sowing panic and havoc amongst the society as well.

If you have queried why your sleeping schedule has evolved dramatically during the pandemic, you are not alone, as thousands encompassing the globe are encountering the same issue. Fear and worry about your personal health and the well-being of your cherished ones, irrational fear that creates panic buying which we witnessed at the outset of the pandemic, alterations in sleeping or consuming patterns and difficulty in sleeping or concentrating are a few changes you might be transpiring presently.

There are numerous approaches to secure control of your life during these uneasy times. The fundamental task you should perform is taking an interlude from following up with all the COVID-19 updates and the news media. Overhearing about the statistics of the pandemic can be extremely unsettling and can provoke unwanted tension in you. Although most of us relish our peace and alone time, we cannot go for prolonged periods without social connections. So the healthiest thing to do to improve your mental health is to give a call to your companions and have virtual meetups and dates. Another way for you to recover your mental health is by centering on oneself and practicing to take care of your physique, your aims, and your aspirations. It is natural for one to slip into a mundane sequence of rising in the middle of the day and go to sleep at the dawn of the day, to skip meals and to munch on snacks in the heart of the night, to become entangled watching movies and TV series all-day and not consider for personal cleanliness since you know you won’t be escorting anyone anytime soon. Discovering an approach to motivate yourself to start focusing on your personal hygiene will direct you to be stimulated to get your chores done, perhaps it even might make you consider swapping your entire routine.

“Every cloud has a silver lining ” by John Milton,  is a quote that perfectly befits the way we should perceive things that are unfolding today. Just like this quote says we should focus on the good even in the most laborious circumstances because that might be the only way to be sane in this turbulent world.

Why Sri Lanka needs to play an active role in volunteerism

According to the UN, volunteers are a vital part of our community. They have the capacity to enhance the quality of the work they are involved in and help to uplift our society. “It simply is not possible to attain the SDGs without a wide range of people engaged at all stages, at all levels, at all times. Volunteerism is a powerful means for bringing more people into the fold. “– UN. Volunteers are selfless, caring people who are willing to share their knowledge, skills, talents, experiences, resources as well as sacrifice their time for the betterment of our community. Anyone can be a volunteer in our society, be it a villager, a farmer or even a doctor or a teacher. Volunteering has no boundaries and therefore, everyone can take part in it.

The World Giving Index 2013 has ranked Sri Lanka to be in their top 10 list of countries that participate in volunteering.  Sri Lanka coming ranks second with a 46% of volunteer participation followed by the United States of America, Philippines and Myanmar. There are two types of volunteer organizations in Sri Lanka and about a hundred more small scale ones that are not registered but carried on in their respective communities and through social media. Namely they are formal volunteer groups like the United Nations and Rotaract and the other being informal volunteers which are privately carried out organizations that are not registered and done on a small scale. There are various volunteer groups for both humanitarian work as well as environmental conservation activities.

Why should you volunteer?

Even though you might have not acknowledged it or recognized it yet, you might have been already volunteering at a community event, at school or university or at a charity/donation campaign. Sri Lankans are not new to the concept of volunteering and our ancestors have been volunteering way before volunteerism even became a known concept. From a very small age we are taught the importance of helping each other, sharing, caring and the importance of giving. So, this is not a novelty for most Sri Lankans as they have been doing volunteering from a very small age. Some volunteering activities you might have taken part in your lifetime are organizing and taking part in blood donation campaigns, being a part of your school social service or welfare club, taking time to teach under privileged kids or anyone for free, organizing and taking part in beach clean ups and fostering puppies, helping out an old lady carry her bags, helping out a blind man cross the road, free medical check-ups, organizing vesak ‘dhansal’, spending time at an orphanage, at a senior citizens house or even a shelter for animals. These are only few of the things that I could mention which you might have done for free without expecting anything in return and never even acknowledged the fact it is a voluntary cause because we are still novel to the word “volunteering” but not to the act of volunteering.

Benefits of volunteering;

Benefits of volunteering that are common for all are personality development, character development, exposure to society, new experiences, understanding of different communities and cultures, tolerance when working with groups, leadership skill improvement, skills and personal talent enhancement and growth, unity and team work learning, understanding to respect others and to work in different environments, creates new friendships and relationships, brings joy and happiness, gives satisfaction, helps for physical and emotional growth.

Who can volunteer?

1. Volunteerism for children

Volunteering from a very small age can help in building important qualities in a child such as sharing, caring, respecting, giving and the value of taking care of each other. This can help mould the child to be a respected and a valued citizen in the future that will take care of the society.

Children are very easy to manipulate and can be easily brainwashed, therefore they are easy targets of wrong and misunderstanding content through media and the environment they grow up in. Volunteering can help them learn valuable lessons that they won’t learn through books which they can develop over time.

2. Volunteerism for the youth

Youth are a very important part of any society because of the energy they carry as well as the young determination in them and the constant need to validate their actions. They are a group of individuals in our society trying to find their rightful place in this world and free floating from one activity to another in search of who they are and their purpose. Volunteering can help them identify their flaws and in what they excel in and give them an understanding on what type of a person they are, while helping them learn team work skills and other skills that would come useful for their careers. Youth have the energy volunteerism needs and the youth have the want to be a part of something as well. So, this can help them understand who they are while helping out the community creating a win-win situation.

3. Volunteerism for employees

Working in an office or a job requires a certain set of skills that they don’t teach you in universities or schools. They need to be learned through experiences or through social interactions. Volunteering gives everyone this opportunity. While doing a job you can meet new people, create new connections, reduce social anxiety and be more outgoing, confident in day-to-day activities, learn about new things, gain a lot of experiences, helps reduce work or home stress and gives a balance in life. This overall change in one’s personality can make him or her go into new ventures and get promotions at work place and have a more pleasant life.

4. Volunteerism for women

Women of any age, race, religion and in any condition have the ability to volunteer. Working women can help share their knowledge with others and help them come to a better level than they were previously and housewives if they have ample time to spend can help volunteer at a local school to teach under-privileged kids and or to share whatever they have to share with unemployed women and youth. Be it knitting, sewing, cooking, teaching, or any skill they have so unemployed women and youth can get a job to live by. Women who adore kids can help foster kids or volunteer in child orphanages and child rehabilitating centers because all kids in them are deprived of a mother’s love and if someone can give them attention and spend some time with them, that itself could make their day.

5. Volunteerism for unemployed citizens

In Sri Lanka there’s an average of 7.76% of unemployment rate which is 420,231 unemployed persons by 2019. This affects the growth of our economy very negatively and causes high tax rates and high compensations to take care of the unemployed. The government and the necessary officials can take part in making sure the unemployed people of our country can contribute to the country’s economy by engaging them in volunteering activities. This can reduce the crime rate in Sri Lanka, increase literacy levels and bring a massive awareness to volunteerism. Giving them opportunities to engage in these will make them feel involved in the country’s development as well as having volunteer awards even on a local level can make them feel motivated and recognized.

6. Volunteerism for the elderly

The elderly or the senior citizens in Sri Lanka are from the age of 60+ and it is the general retiring age for most people from their jobs. After retiring most people tend to get depressed and lonely due to the lack of activities and the lack of human interactions and it could be a painful transition for them to settle down to be home all day and to do nothing. These people have the most amounts of experience considering their age and years of work. They have plenty to share with the rest of the world but they are hardly given a chance to engage in community work and volunteering activities due to their age or their inability to work as fast as the youth can. But they might be the ones with the most amount of knowledge to share. Engaging them in volunteer work can make them feel appreciated, valued and recognized rather than being ignored. This could help uplift our society as well as give the elderly a chance to feel content with their life after retiring.

7. Volunteerism for the disabled

The disabled are of two types. Mentally disabled and the physically disabled. Disabled people only feel disabled when they and we both keep on stressing on the fact that they are different from us. They too need to feel normal and not constantly looked down for being different.

There are people who are born with physical or mental deformities. Then there are the one’s who became disabled due to the war like disabled soldiers or the ones who have got into accidents. All these people want to be included in the society and to feel that they are needed and appreciated for their work. Disabled soldiers have many talents that can be shared with the youth and everyone around them. They only need a chance at it to come out of their shell and to start their lives over. Volunteerism can help them make an identity for themselves other than the label our society gives them for being disabled.

Mentally disabled people too can take part in volunteering and learn new skills or showcase their talents and get more exposure to the society which will help their minds immensely.

8. Volunteerism for sexual minorities

Though this is a controversial topic, it is understandably clear that they are in fact a marginalized group in Sri Lanka and since there is such a group present, they too should participate in volunteering. They can volunteer to help uplift our community by engaging in activities that they are passionate about. They can even volunteer to help out other marginalized groups since they can understand each other’s situation a bit more than the others and be empathetic to marginalized groups like themselves. This can help them make new friends, create new relationships and make a good impression on others, while giving them a chance to learn to be more confident, outgoing and to not backdown and hide their talents because of criticism.

9. Volunteerism for under-privileged kids

Majority of the time kids in the western province or kids who get to go to schools that are considered to be well off get the chance to volunteer in most of the volunteering activities. Which leaves kids who go to schools in the other parts of Sri Lanka at a disadvantage. The main reason being, almost all volunteering organizations are located around Colombo or in the western province. The lack of information about volunteering organizations and the lack of island wide presence can lead to a lack of participation in voluntary activities. So, giving the under privileged kids in other parts of Sri Lanka a chance to volunteer somewhere out of their hometowns not only will make them learn new skills and knowledge but also get a good exposure to different societies and give them hopes of a better future through better education.

The Simple Joys of Life

Life is a tumultuous journey for all creatures walking the face of the earth. It is a race for survival and existence, but with time the needs and wants of man have evolved drastically effecting a boost in non-essential items and luxuries that can only be accessed by the wealthy or the more affluent people of our society. The world has become a very unjust, and biased place to survive in terms of financially and ethically as well. Among all the chaos of the world, people have become engrossed in a futile rat race. Chasing after what we believe to be happiness, pursuing tales and fabrications made by the world around us, and ultimately realizing all is in vain and happiness is not just a matter of materialistic pleasure but it involves a lot of spiritual and mental satisfaction and gratitude as well.

We too are part of this vicious circle of life, where we will only come to realize our trifling struggles throughout our lifetime have gotten us nothing but the bitterness at the end of the day for not living life to its best while we could have. A quote that touched me in ways that none others have is “Carpe Diem” also known as ‘seize the day’ by the infamous movie ‘The Dead Poet’s Society’. Many quotes and sayings emphasize the need to live in the moment and enjoying the moment your experiencing. But the absolute ignorance we give to the simple joys and pleasures in life is detrimental to our well-being and how we will devise our future.

The words “mysa” and “hygge” are two words that reveal the pure delights in life elegantly. “mysa” is a Swedish word to express the pleasure and comfort of being at home, then the term “hygge” defines the act of enjoying simple things in life that we overlook on a day-to-day basis because of our bustling lifestyles. What have we taken for granted as a human being? In simple terms, Everything. We as humans take everything that comes our way for granted. Be it the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we ingest, and the people we encounter. If you’re a busy individual going back and forth from work and home to different places you would barely have time to appreciate the company of your family, loved ones, and to have some tranquil moment for yourself. You would be longing for a chance to be home. But when you are granted the chance to linger at home as a result of the current pandemic you would have an abundance of unoccupied time in your hands to do whatever your heart pleases. But yet you would be yearning to go out and get back to your hectic lifestyle as you are wary of being home. The proverb “absence makes the heart grow fonder” fits the context perfectly as we tend to crave for things when we lose them, that is a consequence of taking things for granted while we have them. During the pandemic majority of us are desiring a particular form of living before the pandemic. It could be going out to meet friends, going to work, school, university, going to purchase groceries, not fretting about wearing masks, sanitizing and social distancing continually, the simple privilege of going out of your house are things we have taken granted though we did not realize. Being inside locked doors for a long period may have ignited a spark of curiosity in you to follow your heart and engage in leisurely activities that you did not have the time to do before the pandemic. Taking time to prepare your meals, read a book, listen to music without any interruption, compose a painting, watch a movie, exerting time to attend to your loved ones and spend quality time with them, enjoying a cup of tea or coffee in the chilly morning are things that you can start appreciating every day instead of looking forward to spending extravagantly to gain a momentary sense of happiness. Understanding happiness, content, and comfort can be reached at any place, even at the comfort of your own home by yourself is vital for the personal and spiritual growth of a person.

An act of appreciating and being grateful for the meal that is put in front can be seen in the Japanese culture. The Japanese will use the term “Itadakimasu” before each meal which simply means “to eat and receive”. This is an imperative part of Japanese culture to thank everything and everyone involved in the preparation of a meal. Another part of the society that says thankyou before a meal is Christians. They would proceed to say Grace before or after a meal to acknowledge and appreciate the meal. These are acts of gratitude that we as humans should incorporate in our lifestyles. This does not mean we need to serve these exact procedures but we can start appreciating the effort that takes to put a meal on the table three times a day every day to keep us alive and healthy. To appreciate the cup of coffee you drink every morning to feel awake. What we don’t see is the process that takes to manufacture the ingredients for your meal or your coffee and the long hours it takes to be harvested, prepared, distributed, stored in hygiene conditions fit for consumption takes up to months and the process requires a lot of laborers along the way to create your daily life much more pleasant. Once you start noticing the efforts put by everyone involved in making you that cup of tea to the point you drink it, you will not look at life the same way you viewed it earlier.

Minimalism became a life-altering movement in recent years because of characters like Marie Kondo who came up with the Konmari method of decluttering that took the world by surprise. This method had been practiced from the early days in East Asia as a lifestyle though it was given recognition much later in the years. Though at present there are many adaptations of minimalism and incentives for taking part in this lifestyle, being a minimalist allows a person to be grateful at the utmost level to the items they possess. A minimalistic lifestyle empowers you to have the bare essentials and to de-clutter constantly. This means you can only own the things that you would use daily and donate or discard things you have not utilized. This would result in owning a minimum number of items in a household and therefore raising the value of each item. Being grateful even for the smallest thing in life can be a beneficial step to perceive life. It would open your eyes to an unconventional approach of perceiving. ‘The Monk who sold his Ferrari’ by Robert Sharma and the ‘Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho are two books that remind me of being content with simple joys in life that would make excellent readings to transform the way you view life.

Sapiosexuals

What is sapiosexual? In a generation where the term sapiosexual is being thrown around like confetti, it is best to pause and retrace the steps to the origin of the word. Sapiosexual is a person who is drawn by the intelligence, knowledge, sagacity a person possesses. These people are not attracted by corporeal images, disposition, or any other peculiarity but solely from the complex forms of evaluating a person begets. Their version of foreplay can be a steamy debate or a profound and meaningful conversation. The catchword came to the limelight in the mid-year of 2014 on a talk show addressing attraction and relationships. Ever since then many individuals have been utilizing the word in various contexts in their private and public life. From candidly replacing their profile bio to a sapiosexual related quote or by dropping the “S” bomb on a first date. This can be beneficial for a partner who’s the ideal person should be a being of intellect but then again in my opinion it can be a sign of a red flag.

Why would someone blatantly express of them being a sapiosexual when they meet anyone new without verifying who they are by engaging in an intriguing conversation? When people tend to be straight forward by using terms as such it seems very pretentious and hence raises all my red flags about a person’s authenticity. Keeping my doubts and inquiries about such people aside for a while, I will draw my attention to the psychology behind such attractions. If we go into an in-depth analysis of attraction there are diverse psychological, scientific, fictitious, ancestral, cultural beliefs of forms of attractions including the recently brought out theory of the law of attraction. Scientific research shows that it can be a form of natural selection for reproduction which is the fundamental basis of Darwin’s theory. On the other hand, it can be a mere fascination for smart and talented people in general. If it was up to me to furnish an interpretation it would be the necessity to have a partner who is capable of holding an engaging and stimulating conversation, discussion, or even a very disputatious debate over a political, sociological, etc matter. Having a great physique can be one person’s cup of tea but it’s not mine, possessing a unique personality can be intriguing… for a while as it too can vary but what is timeless in my evaluation is a person who is constantly in the quest for knowledge, insatiable thirst, and greed for answers. This, in the long run, devises and maintains conversations and when seeing myself in a 10 or 20 year’s time I do not see myself not being able to sustain an open-minded discussion with the person I would claim to relish.

In a context where I grew up being able to have long conversations that are both argumentative and insightful with my father on a daily basis, I truly enjoy a person who is able to fill me up with unconventional ideologies that would raise my eyebrows. As a child seeing all my father’s ideologies being scrutinized by everyone around him made me question a lot of things but growing up with such clashing opinions made me immune to radical notions making me crave to hunt for more facts, information, or even people that would give me that feeling of thrill, rush and excitement of being in non-stereotypical conversations. Being able to hold such conversations requires a lot of research and study as well as a unique set of exposure which makes encountering people who have that sort of mentality arduous to discover. It is fairly true that wisdom and experience come with maturity because there is hardly anyone in my age category I can relate to or build a relationship in such a manner. Therefore, making people who have such a mentality, especially men a luxury.

Concluding this I will deliver a brief quotation from a tale I read of the destitute yet the very relatable narrative of Othello by William Shakespeare. Despite Othello being an aged moor ( African in a racist society) and Desdemona being the Senator’s daughter who is more than half the age younger to Othello fell in love with Othello.
“My heart’s subdued
Even to the very quality of my lord:
I saw Othello’s visage in his mind,
And to his honor and his valiant parts
Did I my soul and fortunes consecrate”

She candidly speaks out to his father about the reason she fell in love with the Moor. She saw his face in his mind as said by the third line of the quote. A young lady reared in a society where all the gentlemen had curly blonde hair, blue eyes, and rosy lips she fell in love with the dark, tall and wise man who can enthral her with all his life experiences.